


Falling Apart

by Not_You



Series: one only understands the things that one tames [28]
Category: Captain America: Winter Soldier, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Angst, Comfort Food, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Platonic Cuddling, Steve Needs a Hug, Talking, sam is vanilla which means he's a freak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2014-04-15
Packaged: 2018-01-19 11:28:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1467811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_You/pseuds/Not_You
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Winter Soldier, Steve isn't doing so well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Apart

One of the torments of Phil's life is that dom distress is so poorly publicized and understood. It is actually rarer, given the societal preference for doms leading to almost every case of someone being raised against dynamic being a sub forced into dominance like poor Justin Hammer, but it happens much more often than anyone will admit to. Phil supposes it's partially his dynamic's fault, with the famous reluctance of doms to ask for help when they need it. A lot of doms hide how broken they feel when dom distress sets in, self-image such a raw, festering sore that they don't want to show it to anyone, no matter how gentle their touch. Still, Phil feels horrible for being so far away when Steve faces the Winter Soldier, and after the dissolution of SHIELD, he and Clint go against years of spying instincts and go back to New York, because Steve needs them.

By the time they get there, the first shock is over and the real wretchedness and grief have set in. Phil can tell, because they run into Sam on their way to the tower. Steve had mentioned meeting him in a text to Clint, and he gives them a wry smile as they make their way through security and into the tower.

“He doesn't wanna talk, but I'm making sure he's eating.” He nods to the cardboard box in his arms.

“Thank you,” Phil says. “ He means a lot to both of us.”

“I just hope he lets you in. He says part of why he can stand being around me is that I'm a neutral.”

Phil grimaces because it's worse than he thought, and then blushes. “Uh, that was about Steve being messed up, not...” It's still a bit odd to be an out neutral, and Phil would hate to be discouraging.

Sam laughs. “I get you, man. Hey, Steve!” he calls as they reach Steve's floor.

“Sam?”

“Phil and Clint showed up, too! I figure it's best to be honest,” he adds quietly, and all of them breathe a little easier when the door opens. Steve looks like shit, but offers them a weak smile as he waves them in.

“Hey.”

“Damn, Steve,” Clint mutters, and hugs him. Steve stiffens all over, and then clings and starts to cry. Phil quietly puts the food away and goes into the other room, Sam following him.

“What d'you think? I don't get all this dynamic stuff.”

“Well, they've looked after each other before. And a big part of treating dom distress is admitting that you can't go on alone.”

“So it's kind of like PTSD.”

“Yeah, basically.”

Clint pokes his head in a minute later. “Steve and I are gonna lie down for a bit, okay, boss?”

“Okay, sweetheart. Take good care of him.”

Clint nods and vanishes, and after a decent interval Phil and Sam go back to the kitchen. It will probably help Steve if they make food, filling the air with soothing activity and warmth, and it's about time for lunch anyway. Sam has brought soup and casserole and mashed potatoes, heavy, warming comfort food.

“You really do have a good instinct for this,” Phil says, and Sam smiles sadly.

“It's the usual package.”

“I can't imagine what he's going through right now,” Phil murmurs, stirring the soup. Steve has a microwave, but he can taste the difference and prefers direct heat. “To know that his sub is out there alone and hurting, with deadly enemies of his own... God, it's horrible.”

“Shit, I was upset when my dog ran away for a week. At least when someone's dead you know they're dead.”

Phil is a walking example of why this isn't necessarily true, but he gets Sam's point. Forced inactivity makes everyone crazy, but it's worst of all for a dom whose sub needs help. “I might be able to thank you enough for being his friend right now, but it would take the rest of the month just to get started.”

Sam smiles. “Consider it said.”

The soup is the kind people call 'loaded baked potato,' and it's much better than many other dishes under the same name. When Sam owns up to having made it himself, Phil smiles. “Well, won't you make a wonderful partner for some nice...” he gestures to Sam to complete the sentence, and Sam laughs.

“I like neutral ladies. For a lot of us, gender kinda takes the place of dynamic.”

“Oh, I see. My first sub was female, but I'm not surprised to have married a male. It's something like a one point seven-five to one ratio, taken all together.”

“I tried to kiss a boy just 'cause he liked me, and that's when I realized I was different. My parents are cool, though.”

“Thank god for that.” Phil sighs and shakes his head, thinking of Justin Hammer. Sam is the kind of person one tells things to, and so Phil ends up explaining all about the unfortunate Mr. Hammer's upbringing. 

Sam grimaces in sympathy as he listens. “Man. My parents thought I was a sub. Apparently I've got a little more s factor than D.” He shrugs and smiles. “Guess that's what makes me so helpful.”

“Oh, I don't know, you could be a service top.” Phil smiles back.

Sam laughs, and they talk about other things, just being warm and alive and in Steve's space. Subs are the ones who are stereotyped as needy, but on their own they can submit to a deity or an ideology and be... stable if not happy. Doms are less adaptable that way, and usually need more physical reassurance that they have other human beings in their lives, people to protect and defend and bond with. After an hour or two Sam needs to go, and Phil assures him that he and Clint will look after Steve. Once Sam is gone, Phil goes to the bedroom to check on Clint and Steve, and the vision that greets him is somewhere between adorable and heartbreaking. Steve is curled up on his side, wrapped around Clint like a little kid with a stuffed toy, and Clint is curled up small, snuggled back against Steve and hugging those massive arms where they're crossed over his chest. Phil smiles sadly and shuts the door, going over to the bed to stroke Steve's hair, petting him the same way he would do with Clint. Steve blinks and makes a soft sound, eyes tracking up to look at Phil.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Please,” Steve murmurs, and Phil slips out of his shoes, jacket, and tie, and crawls into bed, wrapping protectively around Steve from behind. Some doms take this kind of thing as a threat, but Steve relaxes a little, and hugs Clint even more tightly, making him make a little complaining noise and then purr as Steve eases up just enough. There's a lot of hard work and therapy ahead for Steve, but at least now Phil can be pretty that he knows he doesn't have to do it alone.


End file.
